“What goes around comes around”
For a few years, I was so depressed! Everything in my life seemed to have taken a turn for the worst. My college life sucked so much that I wanted to drop out of Law school, my grandmother was ailing and was in a hospital for a long time, I had reached a rock bottom in all of my relationships: friends, family (misunderstandings and silences are more damaging than heated arguments).
I had almost lost interest in dancing. I had stopped reading! My days would just blend…like an unending cycle and I would just go through them mechanically. Doing what was expected of me. And on most of the nights, I cried myself to sleep.
On the outside, everything was fine. In fact, in those 2 years, I completed my formal education in dance, took up learning French, tried my hand at baking and cooking, started writing blogs, composed a few poems and surprisingly completed my LLB too! Everything felt very normal on the outside but on the inside, I felt empty. Nothing could make me feel better.
I think my family knew I was disturbed and hence they pushed me to indulge in things I liked (they are the reason I took French, dance and many other things seriously).
And after two long years, one fine day I realised -while talking to a friend – that it’s I who has to get up and be strong. I can’t keep waiting around for fate or destiny to help matters up for me!
It’s like Bradley Whitford’s quote: “Infuse your life with action. Don’t wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Make your own future. Make your own hope. Make your own love.”
I decided to make conscious efforts and started thinking positively. After all “What goes around comes around”. I couldn’t just sit there crying and feel sad for myself!
And slowly it happened, I found my happiness again and it’s reflecting everywhere. I’m definitely doing well now. I’m back to reading new books, writing most of my posts on a positive note, finding time to listen to music, dancing, teaching (learning French has paid off :P), baking! Everything has fallen back to its place.
True, on some days I have to remind myself to hold it together. But it’s fine. I have come this far and I’m doing good. For all those people out there who are struggling with depression and disappointments, It’s going to fine…just hang in there! And if you need help please talk with someone (You can talk with me too).
It’s just the matter of reminding yourself that you are going to get out and make efforts towards getting out. Remember that you are a star, You Radiate your own light and energy! And positive vibes attracts positive energy.
You know what guys, find your safe havens and happy places…you will be fine. Just hang in there! Life is beautiful and you are beautiful too! Free yourself from your insecurities and do everything to make yourself happy! It’s ok to be selfish sometimes! Make yourself a priority and stop thinking about what others might think or say.
There’s an old Bollywood song from Rajesh Khanna’s film ‘Amar Prem’. The lyrics go like this:
“Kuch toh log kahenge
Logon ka kaam he kehena
Chodo in bekaar ki baatomien
kahi beet na jaae raina….”
(Translation: People will always say something, it’s their job. But let’s not ruin our night in worrying about such useless things)
So…don’t you worry about people. Be a Star and radiate your awesomeness! Make yourself happy first, the rest will follow!
© Ashwini Nawathe, Kaleidoscope of My Life
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